This Month in Words

Tags: anchoress, arts, contemporary culture, douche bag, Kafkaesque, language, plebeian, rapture, revolt, This month in words

The maneuverings and contortions of the language arts is a resonating prelude for metaphysical ecstasy in bloom.

And thus ends the first sentence in my contemplation on language. Of course, that may very well be the loveliest sentence in this whole written exercise, so be sure to read it one more time before you’re done. I just wanted to illustrate the pleasure of putting words together to convey strong feelings, and the regret of not just settling with: “Words is tight, yo.” What it also meant is that our efforts to string different audible vibrations together in our throats have opened the door to communicating thoughts that could not have been previously expressed. This in turn could lead to our understanding of everything. How could we ever have mapped the human genome without even having a word to describe “pain,” or “eat.” I mean, seriously.

The abstract nature of words is simply amazing (one of the few valid uses of the word “amazing”). Language is the first step to understanding each other, and then hopefully the universe. At that point we will ideally live in a post-lingual world where we simply read each other’s mind pulses and live in a utopian collective consciousness. It will be much easier to write these things then. In the meantime, we have the language we’ve cultivated thus far and the language we cultivate on a daily basis. We have words for pretty esoteric concepts already, such as the word schadenfreude, which means “pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune.” It was loaned from the Germans, and that is unsurprising considering the darkness that lives within all of their hearts. (TheDropp.com does not share the views of the author.)

To finally explain the function of this article you’re already three paragraphs into, it is the examining of contemporary word culture. There will be a few categories covered:

First, I will address the Word of the Month. Then will be the Not Word of the Month, and I will continue with two dichotomies: Most Overused/Underused words of the month and Word Retirement/Word Replacement, in which I will retire one overbearing word and replace it with a sprightly new one which will reinvigorate us in our everyday speech. To top off this several-layers bean dip of indelible language contemplation I will introduce three new words that I’ve constructed, and release them like doves into the vernacular.

So without any further ado, I present This Month in Words:

THE WORD OF THE MONTH

Revolt (verb) – to break away from or rise against constituted authority, as by open rebellion; cast off allegiance or subjection to those in authority; rebel; mutiny.

With just the mention of “revolt” and the ears of many a’ bargain bin Son of Sum 41 mall-punk anarchists perk up as they commandeer the food court and try not to look fake with their artificial hair colors. Why wouldn’t a mallrat respond to such a word as revolt, since every punk song ever written has some variation of that word in the carefully constructed lyrics? Poets these people are, and society better listen to them!

Of course these people aren’t the real concern of this word. The word revolt has been exercised in its purest form this year with the Arab Spring, as it has become known. The citizens of Egypt, Tunisia, Syria, Libya, and Yemen are fighting with heavy hearts against oppressive regimes. It isn’t the same as when someone paints a Hitler moustache on Bush or Obama; in the Arab’s case it actually means something. While it is fun to throw the name Hitler around with no consideration of perspective, leaders like Muammar Gaddafi are actually contemporary insanity conductors and borderline caricatures of tyrannical megalomaniacs. For evidence of this I suggest you read Gaddafi’s The Green Book.

The point is that there is an honest-to-goodness reason to bring out the word “revolt” and not have to sound like a poseur. The people of these particular countries are fighting oppression in an area of the world that is very difficult to live in, in almost every conceivable way. There are people fighting in Yemen, a country with virtually no middle class, for the standard of living we pretend to piss on everyday if only to construct an image, a persona. It is really a refreshing display of the word when it is being used in its purest form.

I will simply say that I am happy for the people of these countries who are fighting, and making an indention on the paradigms of their cultures. But that is really all there is to say. Even in “supporting” these revolts, it is important to remember that it isn’t our fight and we shouldn’t revel in it. I do not know everything there is to know about what is going on in these countries, but my relative perspective tells me something. It tells me that there are people who are actually getting work done and in the name of something, a concept which is simply represented as a fashion-savvy fantasy in these parts of the world.

THE NOT WORD OF THE MONTH

Rapture (noun) – 1. An expression or manifestation of ecstasy or passion 2. A mystical experience in which the spirit is exalted to a knowledge of divine things

Every so often an Evangelical Christian man of a certain age (old) promises that the Rapture is upon us. For once, I’d like the inevitably kooky old man to backpedal in his failed prediction by claiming he meant the dance-rock band and not the Christian Apocalypse. (“House of Jealous Lovers” was a great tune.)

Obviously, these men are always wrong and always old. Old people love raptures; it’s as simple as that. And once again, in the prologue to summer, an old man promised us The Rapture. It didn’t happen, but people got a kick out of it. It is an interesting event every time it happens, and it is worth examining the purpose of all this malarkey.

The most revolting prospect of this entire enterprise is the anticipation. It is an unbelievable indignation that these Rapturians possess when you think about it. They want the world to end. The reason for this is because once the world ends, then they get to be transported to Heaven while the lesser of us are stuck here on earth and forced to sit through seven years of “The Paul Reiser Show.”

It seems a weasel-like exercise to me, for these people to sit around wishing for the end of our world. Think of it like this: all of humanity is a team, a team that has been working for as long as they’ve existed on a housing project. The housing project is our ultimate goal in building the best possible living structure we can for our entire collective. While we’re working on this project, a group of people are sitting with arms crossed waiting for a “man” to come and tell them that they are now allowed to move into an even better house, but without the rest of us who continue to work our own house. They’ve done nothing but pray for the end of our house, so that they can go on and live in a better one.

I know this whole thing seems like an “Assault on Christianity” (rhetoric provided by Fox News Corp.), but I assure you it is not. It is a contemplation of a very specific group of Christian people, who seem to be very, very crazy. I have nothing against the Christian faith, just those who . . . well, you know . . . whatever.

MOST OVERUSED WORD

Kafkaesque (adj.) – of, relating to, or suggest of Franz Kafka or his writings.

This is a word you’ll hear often spoken by people who think that this word gives them some kind of credibility (RE: it doesn’t). If you have no idea what it means, it doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t feel bad about that at all, and I believe we could all do without it. For those of you who have never heard “Kafkaesque” used before, I will sum it up thusly: Kafkaesque is a word people use when they want to describe an event that was incongruent, illogical, unpleasant, confusing, labyrinthine, and so on. It is a reference to the author Franz Kafka, who wrote Metamorphosis and The Trial. One is about a man who turns into a beetle, the other about a man who is arrested and put on trial for no discernible reason. The point of both is that life has an unexplainable quality which can be unjustified, unfair, and all too bizarre.

It is a word often used in the face of hyper-bureaucratic maze-like trajectories that our modern life often sends us wayward on. The problem is this: Kafka was a genius, but too many people use this word. The overuse of this word seems to be a dumbing down of Kafka, and extremely inappropriate. How can the word carry any kind of weight when we’ve come to a point where someone can turn to you and say: “Wow, that macaroni salad was totally Kafkaesque”

MOST UNDERUSED WORD

Anchoress (noun) – a woman who is an anchorite.

This category is ridiculous. How does one propose a word which is being under-utilized by the masses? Well, to be honest with you I think I’ve done it. Now, given the word and definition that you’ve been provided, there is a possibility you might not know what it means in the first place. An anchorite is someone who is reclusive due to religion, thus making an anchoress a female version of such.

What is great about this word is that I no longer have to fumble clumsily for that particular word I want at gatherings and social events. When inevitably the moment comes where an acquaintance makes their way to where I’m standing and asks that tired question, I sit in silence, hoping that they will maybe ask something simple like how I’m doing, or how I obtained such good posture. But alas, they come to me and are counted as the zillionth person to ask the same question for the zillionth time: ‘Hey man, where’s Becky?’ they say. ‘Becky?’ I reply ‘You didn’t hear? She’s a goddamn anchoress. She doesn’t come out anymore.”

RETIRED WORD OF THE MONTH

Douche bag (noun) – the bag forming part of the douche.

How a feminine hygiene product and tribal band tattoos came to be so synonymous with this word is beyond me. At some point in history, a meathead of unbelievably annoying prowess irked a fellow human being to a point beyond comprehension that their brain could only conjure up a word which describes a product used to clean women, and that word was used as a line of offense. Ever since then, every muscle dude with a hokey tattoo and a propensity to wear white flip-flops has been labeled a douche bag.

It is certainly a strange era for this word, and the word somehow did wonders for the power of description. That time is over, however, as the word has lost its meaning altogether. It is like a blunt knife that has been used too many times and does no damage. Douche bags are calling douche bags “douche bags” now. We need to evolve.

REPLACEMENT WORD OF THE MONTH

Plebeian (adj.) – unrefined or coarse in nature or manner; common or vulgar.

Perfect. Plebeian is a word that was used in Ancient Rome to describe commoners, or people who were beneath the aristocracy. They were the average Joes of Rome, or your average Gaius. The beauty of implementing this word is that feeling you’ll get when it passes from your lips. The air of superiority you’ll feel and that denouncement you’ll accomplish will add up to a pleasant experience.

Just imagine the face of the person you say this to. Their lack of understanding will drive them to the brink of madness and you to the hospital. It’s worth a shot, though. And to hear someone say the word “plebeian” on MTV would be the ultimate reward in writing this column.

THREE NEW WORDS

1. Fwazzle (adj.) – an entity that has a lack of quality directly proportional to absolute enjoyment of said entity. SEE: Nicolas Cage.

You’re welcome. I’ve finally given you a word to use when you’re trying to describe one of those “it’s so bad it’s good” moments. You can now adequately describe any Nicolas Cage movie, Mcdonalds value meal, or 80s pop song that’d you like.

“Dude, did you see Wicker Man? Totally Fwazzle. Check it out.”

2. Bootyspicious (adj.) – an inclination on the part of one, as to the foul play and unfaithful behavior of another. A hunch that a lover is cheating. SEE: Maria Shriver.

Now, when you’re up late with your friends describing your deepest fear about your significant other, you can at least have fun with the language that describes your feelings!

“Tom has been coming home awfully late for the past week. I’m starting to become bootyspicious.”

3. Ironoclast (adj.) – One who seeks to destroy the image of sincerity and meaning in the established world through the wielding of an ironic persona.

That guy with the handlebar moustache, bowler hat, and Lisa Frank t-shirt who roller skates by that cool café every ten minutes finally has a word other than “hipster” to describe him. Let’s be honest, “hipster” is kind of a dead word and can no longer be used as a meaningful derogatory term.

“Yeah, that’s my brother over there in the Steve Urkel outfit with the Thundercats tattoo. He’s kind of an ironoclast.”

–Cody Mattox